As you will see in the following information, we are attracted to people that are wrong for us because our “wounded self” or “Ego Self” is doing the attracting. It is the side of ourselves that is never satisfied, the side that seeks superficial pleasures, and is always seeking for temporary solutions to our perceived needs.
Let’s go into a little more detail:
Knowing the difference between the part of ourselves that is prone to getting hurt and becoming wounded and the part that feels whole despite outer circumstances is a key to begin to understand why there are many cases where people are attracted to the wrong people, and why even though they keep getting hurt, they wind right back to the same person or type of person.
The wounded self is the part of you that feels incomplete. It questions your worth and value; it doesn’t feel whole, or it feels flawed in some way. My wounded unhappy self is the “little me” who wonders if I’m truly lovable.
On the other hand, we also have a Spiritual Self. This is your higher self, your soul. It’s the part of you that’s connected to love, truth, wisdom, and peace within. Your spiritual self knows, without a doubt, how lovable and valuable you are. In many ways, it’s the opposite of the ego.
At any given time, we are operating from one of these two selves. Many of us, unfortunately, operate from the viewpoint of the ego most of the time. That is, we believe we’re insignificant and powerless in some way, and we’re trying to make up for this lack.
The ego looks for things on the outside to find validation and completion. It believes once it gets more (money, a better partner, a better job, a better house, more vacations, etc…) it will finally be happy.
But … it’s never happy. Not for long, anyway. Because the ego’s very nature is to feel incomplete. Therefore when you live through the perspective of your ego, you’re destined to feel like something’s missing. Life through this lens is not very fun.
The ego gets highly activated when it comes to romantic relationships because relationships are where we hold the most wounding.
We’ve all felt disappointed or hurt by a relationship in the past; we carry the memory of this wound into adulthood (sometimes unconsciously). If a wound from childhood is still active within you, you’ll attract people who are going to highlight the same feeling. For example, if your wounding is centered around feeling rejected or unseen, it’s likely that you’ll feel a similar way in your relationships as an adult.