Personal Development

Unhappy Habits Demystified Mini Course

6. Believe Outside Circumstances Are To Blame

believe outside circumstances are to blame

We have all seen people who are truly happy – even in the middle of painful life trials (this doesn’t mean that they don’t feel the sadness or grief; they just don’t let it take over their lives). And then there are unhappy people who believe outside circumstances are to blame for their unhappiness. They blame their dysfunctional parents, health challenges, socioeconomic disadvantages, relationship problems and other external factors for their lack of success and happiness.

While it’s true that we go through many challenges in life that cause us undeniable pain and suffering, to blame anyone or anything else but yourself for your unhappiness is casting yourself in the role of the victim.

Pointing fingers at external factors may provide a convenient justification for your poor living conditions, and even exempt you from taking complete charge of your life and well being for a while. However, over time, habitual blaming can lead to resentment, powerlessness, and bitterness, as you suffer from what we call “quiet desperation.”

To make things worse, most of the times the target of your blames either have no idea how you feel or could care less about it. So, you’re only hurting yourself when you blame others because you become a prisoner of your resentment and bitterness. Irrespective of whether your feelings are justified or not, they won’t help you become healthy, successful or happy.

I believe true happiness is what all of us want, so stop blaming others and start taking responsibility for your happiness. You have the power to be happy no matter what you’re going through, so don’t give it away to someone or something else.

Self improvement resources online

If you’re feeling unhappy with your life, you can try some of these tips to make yourself happy again starting this very second:

Appreciate Life More

Instead of sweating the small stuff, develop a child-like sense of wonder and appreciation towards life. Every morning when you wake up, try focus on the good things in your life (instead of the bad) and be grateful for them. For instance, be thankful that you’re alive, you have a home, a job and a beautiful and supportive family who loves you unconditionally. There many people in this world who wish they had families, or a roof over their heads like you, so don’t take anything for granted. Count all your blessings, even the ones that seem trivial.


Holding on to grudges will hurt no one else but you, so learn to forgive others for the sake of your happiness and peace of mind. If you make a mistake, take full responsibility, learn from it, forgive yourself and move on with your life.

Create Time To Enjoy Life

Take time off from work to relax, unwind and appreciate the beauty around you. Watch the sun rise and set, smell the roses or take a walk along the beach with a loved one. The past is gone, and the future hasn’t come yet, but you have the present moment, so learn to cherish every second of it.

Choose Your Friends Wisely

Surround yourself with positive, supportive and happy people who share your goals and values. People who help you feel good about yourself, encourage you to achieve your dreams and are there for you when you need a helping hand.

Bottom line: Instead of blaming others for every bad thing that happens to you, start taking full responsibility for your happiness. You’ll be amazed at how fast your life will change for the better.

Next: Lesson 7 – Are Highly Materialistic »

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  • Unfortunately … without realizing, some people appear to derive some satisfaction from complaining. We all know… that person that always talks about the abuses in life they continue to suffer and you just can’t move them from that focus even if you take different approaches like empathy, silent listening (sounding board), or even just trying to joke to make things lighter. They ‘love’ and seem happy complaining about something, anything. It’s a habit that’s ingrained and second nature. Personally when I catch myself complaining I try not to make it worse by beating myself up for worsening my mood by my own frustrated complaints. I’m not perfect and I try to move on by tuning out what’s bugged me. Reading, meditating, listening to music and even changing directions, if in traffic, helps. After all, situations will always change. When in a better place I’m am grateful, even for my complaining friends and family as they provide the contrast that I learn from about myself. Imho.

  • Primarily, I think that it’s because they’ve created from all those experiences, an identity of themselves as who they see themselves to be. They are terrified of loosing this identity because after all, who will they be? It’s like a program that has been written in their subconscious mind from all their collective negative experiences. For some people it takes ongoing and consistent re-conditioning of the mind, but Interestingly enough, for many others it takes a traumatic experience that breaks the programming, it shatters the old paradigm, making room for a new one.

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