Maybe you are one of the many individuals who are born to believe that putting your best foot forward is mandatory. You are afraid to say ‘no’ as you might offend a colleague or a family member who asked you a favor. You choose your words carefully so you will not leave a bad impression.
Even if you are in a black mood, you try to smile and put up a friendly facade you will not be regarded as a snob. In a society where most of us are judged by how we look and what we do, it is impossible to please everyone, but why are we always trying in spite of failed attempts?
I believe that being too focused on pleasing everybody will only lead to frustration and constantly seeking for approval will only breed unhappiness.
If you spend most of your time trying to please the people who dislike you, soon enough, you will miss the opportunity to give importance to people who love you in spite of your shortcomings.
Pleasing everyone can only lead to frustration and unhappiness and in-authenticity. It is of no value to one’s self or to a world where encountering people who challenge us is really what causes us to think differently. You can listen to people. You can learn from them. You can be agreeable and you can agree to disagree. But if you’re liked by everyone, you’re probably doing it wrong. I don’t really have much else to say on the matter; it’s not a subject that I believe requires heavy contemplation. Then again, that’s just what I think. Feel free to disagree.
Humans are not robots. We can think for ourselves and decide based on what we think is right. It is OK to learn from other people’s observation or opinion but doing everything that we are told can result in losing our authenticity.
People are different; people were raised differently, and people choose to see life in their own eyes. So we have to be mindful of that but that doesn’t mean that we have to subscribe to other people’s lenses.
5 Ways To Stop People-Pleasing
1. Make peace with the fact that not everyone is going to like you—and actually, that’s okay.
As a pleaser your main drive will be to do everything in your power to make someone like you. For me, and for many other pleasers, this comes from a place of severe low self-esteem. Basically, when people like you, you like yourself; when they don’t, your opinion of yourself drops.
The best way to lessen the need for validation from others is to start working on loving yourself and increasing your self-esteem.
2. Learn to say no in a way that feels okay to you. (No making excuses allowed!)
“No” is a word that many of us could stand to use a little more often. How many times have you said no only to go back on your decision when put under a little bit of pressure from another person?
I used to do that all the time, or I would say no and then make a number of excuses to justify my decision (many of these were white lies to make saying no more feasible).
The thing with making excuses rather than offering a firm and honest no, complete with a truthful reason that you can stick to, is that it opens up the possibility of negotiation with the other person. If that happens, your inner pleaser is likely to give in and you’ll once again find yourself doing things that you don’t want to do and putting yourself last.
3. Accept that you will feel guilty when you say no to something the first few times.
Pleasers often feel guilty when they say no to a request. You probably feel that you are being selfish or that you have let someone down. This is misplaced guilt. You have done nothing wrong, and that person will most likely find another solution to their problem.
4. Start setting some boundaries.
It’s okay to put yourself first. In fact, you will be a happier, more productive, and more amazing person for it. The best way to do that? Set some boundaries. When we stand for nothing, we will fall for everything, as they say!
5. Let go of the people who use your people pleaser tendencies on purpose.
As with anything in this life, there are people who will try to take advantage of your good nature.
As you begin to raise your levels of self-esteem and start to assert yourself, you will begin to see those who are trying to trigger your inner people pleaser for their own benefit.
They will be the ones who deliberately try to push your buttons, no matter how many times you say no. They will continue to overstep the boundaries that you set.